There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t think of Michael O’Grady.I can’t forget the creative ways he coached and mentored so many to new heights. In this series, Lesson’s Learned from the Magnificent Manager, I’ll share my insights, breakthroughs, tools, and techniques which honor Michael’s legacy of helping others grow and succeed.

The single greatest performance influencer is coaching. Yet, it’s the most underdeveloped practice in restaurants today. Though many managers can easily do inventory, generate a P&L, and write schedules, few are comfortable and competent in the art of coaching.

1. Overcome Fear

When I ask, “What’s so hard about coaching?” I hear, “No one ever taught me. It’s so hard to find the right words. I feel like I’m picking on people.” So, what do you do? Do you hide, retreat, or sneak under the radar and hope no one notices?

Some managers take the autocratic “my way or the highway,” approach. Others buddy up too close to hold players accountable. And others wander about in a cloud of confusion and self-doubt.

Effective managers coach against a clear set of principles and strategies. They assess and cast each player in the right role. And they work from a set of techniques and language to develop and fine-tune each player’s unique talents to build a championship team.

2. Lay the Foundation

Before you can even begin to think about coaching, the first job is to provide product knowledge and training. How can you coach a server to sell if he doesn’t know the ingredients and preparation of the Herb Crusted Salmon? Next, systems must be created to pave the way for seamless service. When it takes 20 minutes to get a bottle of Chardonnay, employees give up. Systems set you free.Finally, a coach needs a plan. The old-school sequence of service, “take the drink order, ring it up, suggest an appetizer,” falls short. It’s just a series of tasks. An easy-toimplement game plan guides each player to connect, be technically proficient, and artfully sell. The trick is to make each step concrete. For instance, try, “Greet the guest, make eye contact, smile, move toward and seat guests, adjust the flowers, and say “Welcome to Paolo’s!” Now the player has something to latch onto, and the coach has specific behaviors to coach against.

3. Be a DNA Detective

The greatest coaches get under their players’ skins. They understand what makes each person tick. Is your team member a hospitality charmer, a sidework obsessive-compulsive, or a super salesperson? A great coach takes time to observe and discover each individual’s galaxy of idiosyncrasies, desires, and special talents. Sniff out the DNA by asking: “What do you do best? What do you love to do? How do you like to be rewarded? What one thing can I do to motivate you? Cast each player where he thrives. Give custom doses of feedback to inspire loyalty and star performance.

4. Watch Your Words

Ever hear, “I feel like a babysitter?” Some managers stay trapped in this unfulfilling role. Why? Too often, they unwittingly speak to employees as if they were children. “You need to,” “you ought to,” “you should,” and “you never” are commonly used phrases that demotivate. A coach’s job is not to be a critical parent, a surefire way to put players on the defensive. Bitter and shamed employees forget about the behavior you’re trying to change and instead plot how to get even by not working a Sunday brunch. Or, worst yet, they quit while they’re still “working” for you. That’s a big price to pay.

5. Master the Coaching Conversation

I’m often asked,“How can I be direct without sounding harsh? How can I stop asking people ‘would you do me a favor’ when what I really want to say is ‘do your job.’” Saying the right things, in the right way, at the right time, is the hardest thing. In fact, many managers avoid giving feedback altogether. (See Toolbox.) Following is an example of a coaching conversation (see Artful Coaching Conversation). It’s positioned against a positive set of principles delivered in an adult-to-adult voice.

Artful Coaching Conversation

• Compliment. “Wayne you deliver a very thorough tour of the menu.”
• Encourage. “I want to help you become even stronger with your sales skills.”
• Observe. “The guest in the green jacket on table 18 was interested in the ravioli. ”
• Offer insight. “You missed his cue and missed the sale.”
• Offer advice. “It’s important to slow down and watch for buying signals.”
• Explain benefit. “When you tune in you’ll start selling more right away.”

Remember to use respectful phrases like “another way to think of this is,” “I have a concern,” “it’s important that,” “I don’t like it when you ...”

Coaching is the single most powerful way toimprove performance. It’s the special way wedevelop, fine-tune, and tap into the unique talents of our people. It’s how we say, “What you do and who you are matter.”

Bob Brown, president of Bob Brown Service Solutions, www.bobbrownss.com, pioneered Marriott’s Service Excellence Program and has worked with clients such as Disney, Hilton, Morton’s of Chicago, Olive Garden, and Red Lobster. He has appeared on the “Food Network” and “Hospitality Television” and is author of The Little Brown Book of Restaurant Success and The Big Brown Book of Managers’ Success.