It’s a brilliant sunny day in San Juan. At the Marriott, in a meeting room overlooking beach chairs stacked against a windy turquoise sea, managers Mika, Christian, Samuel, Reynaldo, and Jesus rank-order the top four phrases they use when coaching:

• You need to ...
• Another way to think of this is ...
• You always ...
• It’s important that ...
• You never ...
• You should ...
• It would be helpful if ...
• Would you do me a favor?
• You must ...
     
“OK, everyone just put down the first thing that comes to mind. Don’t worry. This is not a pass/fail test,” I encourage. Like other managers in scores of workshops before, they look around suspiciously, wondering what trickery lies ahead. A few months’ back I sat with Chrystal Herndon, manager of talent development for Harrah’s, and bounced around best practices and strategies to improve coaching performance.

1 Stay in the Adult Voice
It’s easy to figure out from which three ego states your employees want to be spoken to: parent, child, or adult. Cut the critical parent phrasing like “you should,””you never,” “you always,” and “you need to,” and replace it with adult language like, “it’s important that,” “I have a concern,” or “I like it when you.” Speaking to an employee like a parent to a child is a surefire way to stay stuck in the dreaded babysitting role.

2 Don’t Sandwich a Bad Between Two Goods
“Some managers shower employees with compliments at the beginning and end of a corrective feedback session to soften the blow. This false flattery is quickly sniffed out and you are perceived as tentative and weak,” explains Chrystal. “An easy rule to remember is to let the positive be positive and the negative be negative,” she continues. Don’t be flowery. Through both guidance and experience, managers discover soon enough that having the courage to use the straight, fair, and to-the-point approach works.

3 Keep It Simple
Be it positive or negative, every employee reacts differently to criticism. Limit feedback to one or two points. The last thing you want is to raise the emotional distress meter. Straightforward, uncomplicated, and worry-free advice goes down easy.

4 Be Specific
“Hey John. You broke the record with 20 appetizers last night! Great job!” What’s missing here is the inside scoop on how John hit the jackpot. Try this: “John, great job on breaking the app record! I had a chance to listen in on your last two tables. After the couple from Colorado on table 18 took your advice on the salmon and free range chicken, I loved how you knocked down another sale with, ‘By the way, the Chicken Quesadilla is a great appetizer to share.’” By reviewing in exact detail the methods John used, you increase the odds of his winning performance being repeated.

5 Cut Down the Whine
"Sam and Lori do that all the time! So, why are you picking on me?’ is the kind of complaint we often hear in coaching sessions,” says Chrystal. We recommend this approach: “Susan, I promise you I’ll address this issue with anyone who doesn’t meet the standard. And, I also promise I’ll always keep our discussions private,” Chrystal continues. This clears the way for you to get down to business, while maintaining everyone’s dignity.

6 Praise with Confidence
Some managers fear if they shower too much praise on employees they’ll get big headed. “Research from Gallup and the American Management Association reveals less than a third of people report that they don’t receive praise and recognition for good work. Never worry about over praising someone too much, just as long as the performance warrants it, short of sounding insincere,” advises management guru Markus Buckingham.

Bob Brown, president of Bob Brown Service Solutions, www.bobbrownss.com, pioneered Marriott’s Service Excellence Program and has worked with clients such as Disney, Hilton, Morton’s of Chicago, Olive Garden, and Red Lobster. He has appeared on the “Food Network” and “Hospitality Television” and is author of The Little Brown Book of Restaurant Success and The Big Brown Book of Managers’ Success.